Always a Bridesmaid ... and the adventures of what not to do

After starring in several weddings as a bridesmaid (yes I said star because HELLOOOOO there's a camera flashing in your direction all. day. long.), I have had a lot of fun and a lot of tears. Made new friends, lost some friends. Grew closer with others. And of course added to my formal wear section of my closet.

But mostly I have learned a lot of lessons. And because the topic of bridesmaids, do's and don't's and expectations and support is a normal conversation I have with my brides... I wanted to share some of my experiences. 

• I’ve been the Maid of honor.
• The Overachieving bridemaid
• The bridesmaid who just showed up for all the parties and went in on the group gift.
• The one who knows everything about the couple.
• The one who barley knows the bride.
• Who barely knows the groom.
• The one who knows nothing about the couple, including their middles names or even occupation.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I was the jealous bridesmaid.

Super duper jealous.

I went above and beyond and complained most of the time until I literally gave myself a come to Jesus. This was one of my bestest most closest friends and I was acting a fool. 

AND I’ve been the MOH who actually got kicked out of the wedding...

After pricing out the bridesmaids dresses, the jewelry, the shoes. Getting that bride and groom phenomenal deals with killer vendors. Including a reception at MY VERY FAVORITE ballroom in town. The one which I imagined for years, making my own grand entrance into the space as the shades went up on the windows to reveal the most beautiful views of St. Louis. Talk about goosebumps. But yes, I loved her and I wanted the beautiful and the best for her so I negotiated with my contacts and got an INCREDIBLE deal for a HOT HOT HOT date.

Either way, I got asked to step down and our friendship came to a steep hault. In fact it basically was pushed off a cliff and forgotten. All because I was unable to attend a dress fitting on a weekend in September. BECAUSE I AM A WEDDING PLANNER and WORK EVERY WEEKEND especially in the fall.  Oh and I also wanted to mention this was 14 months BEFORE her wedding.

But I get it. Her wedding is important. Your wedding is important.

Anyways I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason because I booked another wedding for that date AND I met some super awesome people after that door closed.

I’ve worn brown, and red and purple and persimmon and mocha

and blush and black and maroon.

And I did get to use them again. I had one ball gown torn apart to add some excitement to a bridesmaid dresses purchased from a consignment shop for a wedding I was planning.

And I did wear one again.

I wore it to her reception in the states after her destination wedding. And it was cut so low in the front AND the back that I was hiding NO secrets. At 25 years old, I thought this is sexy. But adjusting the "girls" every 2 minutes quickly changed my mind. I felt like I was wearing suspenders and grateful that my parents weren’t on the guest list.

I’ve been the bridesmaid who planned the majority of the wedding. Every little detail. Even spent a huge amount of time planning the best bachelorette parties and showers and creating the most perfect of gifts.

I’ve been the bridesmaid who showed up with NO moolah and NO gift.

I was on my 8^th month of unemployment and 3^rd wedding that summer. I literally caught a ride to get across 3 states to the wedding...

As much as I joke about my presence being a gift in itself, I do feel that NOT getting a gift is tacky and inappropriate BUT I never felt so bad as I did when I assumed the bride was covering hair and make-up. I didn’t have cash, didn’t know the bridemaids, didn’t know the salon, was waaaayyyyy out of town, without a car and had to BORROW money from the bride… talk about embarrassing. And Kira, I am still sorry about that. 

I’ve been the MOH who kicked themselves out of the wedding. 

Or kindly stepped down, if you will.

Sometimes you just have the feeling that you can't and won't live up to those expectations.

The reason I am sharing this is because

I  am human

I talk to brides every week about their bridesmaids involvement and what is normal

I understand a ton of the experiences of being in a wedding and of planning a wedding

I have made the mistakes and know what that looks and feels like

Expectations of bridesmaids now vs. 30 years ago are still the same, yet our lives, the               demands, conveniences, our jobs, our priorities are dramatically different.

You are busy. Your bridesmaids are busy. We are all busy. It does not mean they don’t care about your wedding. It just means they are living their lives.

When the traditions of bridesmaids getting together to plan elaborate showers and bachelorette parties, making centerpieces, attending all the dress fittings and vendor meetings, were the norm, think about what a young woman’s life was like.

Their job was to graduate high school, meet a man, build a home and have babies! Oh and to be pretty. Pretty was very important.

Now we are all working, going to school, living independently, dating, volunteering, getting married, having families. And all the while still staying pretty.

So basically I’m not saying your bridesmaids shouldn’t partake in all the excitement or all your scheduled events and to just show up day of.

I’m merely saying that this is your wedding and it’s important to choose your maids based on your relationship with them. But knowing too that they have a lot going on and that they love you but may not have a ton of time to help glue wine corks together.

That is what planners are for.

To keep you excited, relaxed and enthusiastic. To keep you on track.

And heck, I am great at crafting. Call me, I love wine and glue guns. But most of all, I love weddings, I understand what your to do list looks like and I can help you stay organized and get you down the aisle to stand next to your bestest buddies, while you say forever to your other half. 

The Planned Proposal

Weddings. I’m obsessed with it all. Let’s be honest. From beginning to end.

Proposals though. Next to wedding cake and super sparkly things, proposals are literally a few of my favorite things. Cue Kenny Rogers singing “My favorite things.” The only thing that can make that song better is Dolly Parton or Julie Andrews.

I have to give a shout out to KR because he is one of my favorite things. I know I know, next to glitter and wine and valentine’s day and sunrises but I did say ONE OF. He is my celebrity crush/excuse. You know the game “if you could cheat with one celebrity and it wouldn’t count”?

Awesome venue for a concert- the Alton Ampitheater 

Yup. Mine is KR. But 1980’s KR. Not nipped and tucked and lifted KR. Although my beau did take me to his concert a few weeks ago. Literally been on the bucket list. And I gotta tell you, that man is quite the entertainer, so much so that I almost renigged on the 1980’s part. I’ve actually had that convo with the beau. Recently. You might think mine is weird but his is Rachel Ray. Talk about the way to a man’s heart is his stomach.

I immediately began working on my culinary skills. Mind you, I didn’t say “perfecting” my culinary skills. This girl has a long way to go. What can I say, I like to eat out. Thankfully he does too.

But all kidding aside, let’s get back to the story. Proposals. They are how it all begins.

Some are the super simple do it at home. I want to build a life with you right here, where we became us and where we are comfortable.

And then there are the “I know you are going to propose so just do it already” proposals. They seem demanding to the lay person, but to me, I still think it’s precious. I mean he obviously knows what he is getting into in the first place right? And it's part of why he loves you.

Soooo I have never been engaged. But let’s be honest: that poor sap that commits to the lover of love, the one who squeals, tears up and gets goosebump at every little moment, has really got a lot coming to him. I can’t say I know what it feels like, looks like, etc.

But to me, it’s a huge deal.

What does it look like when someone says:

Hey, I want you for my whole life for the rest of my life.

You and only you.

I want to wake up to your face and go to bed to your face.

I want to reach over and feel you in the middle of the night, every night.

I want to laugh with you and cry with you and fight with you over nothing and everything forever.

I want to have adventures with you.

I want to have children with you.

I want to burn your frozen pizza and make you runny eggs (not the good kind) and watch you try to eat them until we decide that you are the better cook and order take out.

I want to be your everything.

In the words of Keith Urban from the best most poignant wedding song of 2000.

Listen to the words, seriously they are perfect.

Gosh, I feel like I just proposed to someone…. Hand me a tissue.

So that to me, that moment, that decision, that YES, is bigger and better than any wedding in my mind. It’s a defining part of someone’s life to say: You are it. You are the one.

{Now let’s celebrate. Cue your Signed Sealed Delivered Events wedding planner here.}

For someone to love you that deeply, that fiercely, with all that they have.

And for you to love them back with just as much… it’s freaking incredible.  It’s Mary Poppins magical.

Thank you Rachael - I heart this series of pics of your 4th of July proposal
xoxo

I clearly love that moment. But you know what else I love? I love knowing about that moment. The pre-planning. The anticipation. The nerves.

My absolute favorite engagement photo of all time.
I met her. Saw the pic. And had to plan the wedding.
The red jacket. The way her hair lays. The embrace. The surprise.
Pure delicious emotion.
And I am still bragging about it Val!
xoxo

I’ve had folks talk to me about their proposals to get my thoughts, ideas, opinions… sometimes I give them unsolicited.

And I always always always always recommend having a photographer there. Professional photographer. And if anything, have SOMEONE snapping the moment. Someone who knows in advance. Not a stranger with an iphone. And this is why.

Green Wall Studio capturing Nick and Ashlie's winter proposal last December.
We tromped around in the snow for what seemed like hours waiting for them to get to this moment.
So worth it.
xoxo

As a girl, here’s where I start telling you that I have been planning my dream wedding since I was five… but not so fast I was actually going to tell you this:  I have DREAMED about the day I get proposed to.

 And here is what I imagined it would look like.

rebeccaalovesyou.tumblr

chrisemeottphotography.com

And that bad boy would be captured via professional camera and printed real big and hung on my wall because for someone to choose me as their forever and ever amen...

 {I love that song by Randy Travis as a cake cutting song or first dance… adorable}

...that is a moment worth capturing, worth remembering, worth seeing every single day.

When my brother in law (numero uno) asked my parents’ permission to marry my sissy, my nosey ass was already planning the perfect costume for my sissy that I would have conveniently hanging in the closet when she asks: hey, what do I wear to this “fancy steak house”?

Drew and Brent (numero uno) - married 5 years this September
xoxo

When my future brother in law (numero dos) told me he was proposing, my nosey ass asked: who what where when how? And most importantly, how can I help make this even more special.

I can’t say that either one of them totally appreciated my complimentary opinions, but I can say that I hope that just a tiny bit of enthusiasm and heart that I put into those conversations made a morsel of the moment more precious to the loves of my life (not wine and chocolate clowns, I am talking about my sissies).

That's my sis and D Lew (bro-in-law nueroon their engagement weekend
xoxo

Which leads me to this, yes nowadays, it is becoming more and more popular for folks to seek help in planning their proposal, as in hire a planner. And yes, yes, I can do that. I would love to do that. To be a part of that. To be a part of helping you show the one you want to spend the rest of eternity with, just how much they truly love you during that moment we call the proposal. 

Kyle and Allison Martin at the beach proposal in April 2012
They just had their year anniversary in June this year.
Love these two.
xoxo

It's Been One Year

Happy anniversary to me. Today is exactly 365 days since I left my job of wedding and event planning at a hotel and biweekly paychecks so that I could plan weddings full time with Signed Sealed Delivered Events- the little wedding planning business I had dreamed about in private and joked about in public since college. One year later, this is what it looks like.

Always N Forever Photography

It is a rainy Thursday morning and I am writing from my dining room table while drinking chai tea. A regular occurance actually since we decided to adopt a puppy during wedding season (who's the smartest b*tch in this place) so to spare the carpet and Holly's sanity, I work from this spot many a mornings before I head to the office for appointments or tastings or tours or venues or networking events.

I am not fluffing this blog up with pretty pics although you know I love pictures so much. My every day is documented by the iphone and then updated to all the social media sites so I can share how much I love these people I work with.  But today it's just me and the computer and a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that I want to share. Raw. No filter. No pretty. Yes I am still in my jammies and glasses and a side pony because I am bringing the 80's back. I also want to add that it's a reheated chai tea from the Bucks from yesterday. Told you it's not pretty and I am being honest.

So here we go: musings from the love aficionado

I am blessed beyond words. I am a super spoiled rotten girl. I seriously cannot imagine being loved and supported by more people. It's just rediculous. Every morning I list them off in my head. Attitude of gratitude.
And then it happens and I meet some new wonderful person and I pinch myself. There truly are so many good people in this world. I just say goodness, we are going to be great friends and I already love you.

I never slowed down before. Yes, my hours are crazy and I dream about weddings and I wake up to text an idea or reminder to a bride or sketch out some back drop and I type up timelines and to-do lists till 2 am. But before I was in fight or flight mode, racing here to there. Always in a hurry, most of the time late, trying to get that last call in, pleasing everyone in my path. Having the best of intentions to be present and enjoy the moment, to read that book, to have coffee on the deck or go visit that 6 month old baby I haven't seen since she was born. Constantly on the go and promising myself that I would make a vision board and go to yoga and read The Secret and devote time to a relationship and go four wheeling with my dad.

Now I slow down. I notice that I don't need music when driving or to be checking my email every 2 minutes (not to say that I don't but I don't feel like I NEED to). I meditate when I catch myself getting overwhelmed. I read that darn Secret twice in the last month and practice affirmations. I see the beauty in a country road, the sky, a couple of kids on bikes in the park, a simple and kind interaction on the street. An opportunity to open the door and smile. I even introduced myself to a stranger when walking the dogs yesterday. I am actually listening when people are talking. I still get frazzled but smelling the roses is a must, it's a "bring you back to Belleville" if you will, connecting with nature and people. I still haven't gone four wheeling but hey, I'm not perfect and it gives me something to look forward to.

Speaking of perfection, it does not exist. And we are about to get personal. I have always strived for this rediculous expectation I put on myself and guess what, it made me miserable. I will be happy and love mysefl after I look and feel a certain way or do that next half marathon. Finally at thirty something I can say hey, you know you really do have great curves, and yes you gain and lose the same 10 pounds and sometimes it happens twice in a year. #dontjudge It doesn't change who you are. I used to look in a mirror and look for something wrong. Now I go, hmmm those jeans actually look better tighter. #yourwelcome and wow, you look pretty today. Self talk is very powerful and although it seems silly it can actually make or break your morning. So no more getting down on myself when I go to the cake tasting or order a real calzone WITH gluten and WITH cheese because jeez, life is short and it tastes so good. Just may have to spend a little more time on those hill workouts is all.

Miss Independent (aka me) wanted to know everything and do everything herself. My ma says I came out of the womb in heels and knowing more that everyone else and when I didn't know it, I would stomp my feet. That is true, the stomping part.
I used to get so upset when someone asked me to do something I didn't already know how to do. Now I look at this as an opportunity to grow and learn and that I should always be growing and learning. Occasionally my blood pressure rises when I have to figure out something new and make mistakes and try again. But it's ok and it's always ok and I will eventually figure it out. And if you have to pour a glass of wine on your third try, that's ok too.
And it is ok to ask for help. This year my amazing ma didn't make me ask, she just swooped in with answers and suggestions and support and very fierce loyalty. Sometimes it was just to be there to pour the wine while I figured it out. The point is I now know I don't have to know how and I don't have to do it alone.

Following your intuition. Oprah talks about this A-ha moment. I love Oprah. I know I mention her often, but I can't help it. Sometimes I even introduce people in her voice. #mygoodfriendjohntravolta For years I have been asking where this magical intuition is. The answer was: it was there but if you refuse to listen and base your decisions on the reactions of others, then of course you are never going to experience the A-ha. This year my sweet little intuition worked super hard for months to talk to me and at points, screaming at me. Now, I couldn't necessarily understand what in the hell she was saying let alone defend my decisions to clients, family, friends, colleagues- but bottom line is I finally let that girl shout it from the rooftop and I just followed with unwavering trust. Lets be honest, it wasn't totally unwavering. But she's there now, shouting A-ha. We are a team and there are lots of high five's. And damn it feels really good to say hey, I made that decision and that's that and I trust myself (because the little voice in my head told me to).

I love weddings soooooo much. It almost doesn't make sense to me. I got teary eyed at a floral design meeting last week because the flowers were more perfect for the bridal bouquet than I could've imagined. I scan through engagement and wedding proofs and I am in awe. I can walk into a venue under construction that is merely a structure and a pile of bricks and I can see the space completed in my head and get goosebumps. I get so much joy from being with my couples and helping them pick out their first dance song or invitations or cake- you name it, it fills my heart with so much happiness to see the culmination of their love and their relationship come together and represented in this beautiful day that I find it unbearable sometimes.

Someone once said Ashlee, you love love more than anyone I have ever met.
And it's true. My house and office are decorated like it's Valentine's day all year round. I used to avoid Valentine's day. Perhaps a little saddened that I didn't have a signif other or that I listened to the on and off banter of "he didn't get me a gift"
"it's singles awareness day"
"I don't need to show you how much I love you just one day a year"
But now I can't get enough red, pink, gold, heart shaped jazz. And I tell people how much I love them everyday. And you best believe that on Valentine's day I am going to go all out to make sure they know.

Speaking of love, I had the idea for years that it had to look a certain way. It doesn't. I have found love in the completely and utterly unexpected and that is quite possibly one of the coolest things I discovered this year.

And that is how I know that I am in the right place.
That I am living the once little dream that now has a family of the awesomest couples and coolest projects ever and the most incredible team of wedding professionals and support staff I could have never imagined.

Happy anniversary to me. Can't wait to see what the next year brings.

xooxoxoxooxoxooxoo,
Ashlee

Great things always happen at coffee shops

Honestly, I do not think these pictures and this day could have been more magical. Except if the sun would have given off a bit more heat to warm our little Jessica's arms and legs. 

I was honored to be a part of such a A list team of wedding pro's in this style shoot orchestrated by Amber Green Photography this spring.

Amber and I have worked together in the past and when she started with developing a new look, marketing plan which included some pretty clever style shoot ideas, she asked me to coffee.

The main question at hand: what in the world does a wedding planner do for a style shoot?

So I explained as I held her 3 month old pumpkin, Alivia, in between sips of Starbucks, I organize and recruit the players, set the scene, you shoot, I direct...

And so we began our journey of the Vintage Romance shoot.

Amber had a vision of a classic car, a dashing red haired beauty and a black dress... 

From there we brainstormed how it would all come together.

And then I called a few of the folks which I too, had met in a coffee shop...

Sarah and Savanah are not only sister-in laws and BFF's, but also owners of S&S Bridal Hair and Makeup. I discovered their biz card on a bulletin board at a coffee shop off Cherokee and after meeting for coffee in that same shop, we decided 
making magic in the near future was a must.
 

 

 Believe it or not, style shoots take some serious prep. Amber and I met up one afternoon to decide on timing and locate the perfect scenery as our couple prepared for their date to the country. Downtown Lebanon Illinois was the obvious choice, with it's quaint and charming feel.

Notice all the super clever angles that Amber and Zach came up with!

  

These gorgeous blooms were created by the fabulous Dawn Ahner of Ahner Florist and Greenhouse

You can really see how incredibly stunning Jessica is in this shot.

The make up and hair is breathtaking.

what a gentleman right?

And after a 20 minute drive to the country...

 I think she is thrilled by what she sees...

 Our very dapper John has set a most romantic scene for his proposal.

 This beautiful picnic scene is set on Amber's grandparent's farm in New Baden, Illinois.

 

 This vintage scene was designed by Signed Sealed Delivered Events
 Props and furniture compliments of Next Door Finery and Vintage Mercantile

The adorable Jessica and Jon Stamm are a real life couple who have been married since 2010.

 Gorgeous jewels from Elliott Fine Jewelers. We met the Elliott family when we planned their daughter, Lauren's wedding.

 

She said yes!

Show me Rachel McAdams in the Notebook!